Yup, it’s a themed Movember list. The month-long bristly slog so many men are enduring to raise money for prostate cancer awareness has come to an end, so I’m celebrating some of the most impressive facial hair in cinema, both the real and the artificial. If you’d care to join me on a whiskery journey…
10. White Goodman (Ben Stiller) – DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY (2004)
Stiller’s handlebar/soul-patch combo matches his lecherous moron fitness freak White Goodman perfectly, and makes him all the more despicable as an antagonist.
9. Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) – ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY (2004)
Ahhh the 70s. When men were men, and everyone had great upper-lip adornments. The moustache worn by sympathetic misogynist Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) is appropriately full and manly, and contributes a lot to him being “kind of a big deal”.
8. Pedro Sánchez (Efren Ramirez) – NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (2004)
Pedro’s non-committal droopy face fuzz suits the laid-back personality of Napoleon Dynamite’s best friend, and inspires envy in the titular character, after all, Pedro impressively claims it only took him “a couple of days”.
7. Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baron Cohen) – BORAT (2006)
Full, dark and vaguely dictatorial, Borats ‘tache often veils the mischievous grin of the Kazakh journalist as he causes distress across the “U, S and A” through cultural misunderstanding and full-frontal man-wrestling.
6. Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) – HOOK (1991)
Hoffman is the best thing about this Spielberg misfire by a long way, and Hook’s meticulously waxed moustache is the best thing about the diabolical amputee (maybe next to the way he says “Peeeteeerrrr Paaaaaaaan”.
5. Charles Bronson (Tom Hardy) – BRONSON (2008)
Playing the real-life prisoner who adapted the name of an actor he admired, Tom Hardy completely throws himself into the role, both in terms of intensive physical training and bulking up, and in terms of styling a fabulous circus strongman moustache.
4. William N. Bilbo (James Spader) – LINCOLN (2012)
A seedy comic relief part made memorable by Spader’s caddish performance, a couple of brilliantly placed f-bombs and a really imposing piece of facial hair.
3. Bill “The Butcher” Cutting (Daniel Day-Lewis) – GANGS OF NEW YORK (2002)
Playing a foul but charming thug, Day-Lewis show stopping turn is nearly eclipsed by the sinister growth on his upper lip. So evil, you expect him to start twirling it, “The Butcher” thankfully has far more going on with his character than pure malice.
2. A Factory Worker (Charlie Chaplin) – MODERN TIMES (1936)
You could put any Chaplin character on this list, but he had to be on here. He’s empathetic, and hilarious and pitiable, and that moustache was popular worn by Chapin long before Hitler adopted it.
1. Clive Candy (Roger Livesey) – THE LIFE AND DEATH OF COLONEL BLIMP (1943)
Arguably the only film on the list where facial hair is a major plot point, even a driving force behind the lead character. Clive Candy is injured in a pride-driven duel, and hides the scar on his top lip with a moustache which we see grow more impressive over decades of personal and international conflict. The mo grows as Clive does, almost becoming a character in its own right.
And that’s it for another year – dust off the razors, and keep fighting the good fight for men’s health! And of course, donate to someone if you’re able.